I walked down the isle headed towards my first husband. There was a screeching voice inside my head that said "Don't do it". Did I listen? No. I just kept walking and smiling. I noticed the melody of the harp and the calming violin, the beautiful flowers my step-mother picked out ever so carefully, the perfectly placed chirping birds that my dad claimed he hired, for just the right touch. I noticed all the familiar, smiling faces, some genuinely happy, others with looks of curiosity and concern. I walked right up to the groom and Rabbi just the way it had been rehearsed, going through the awkward motions. I was pronounced doomed.
Eight years later I realized that I had conformed to societies failure rules. In my head a voice was saying all the wrong things. The head voice said “Stay married or you will be a failure, keep trying, through death until you depart, you made your bed, now you have to lie in it". I stayed in an unhappy marriage with a partner that did not meet my criteria. I also knew that I did not listen to my inner voice, my intuition, my heart voice.
I was able to finally divorce, after so much suffering and some great therapy. My heart voice became a great friend, and I stayed single for 8 years in-between my first and second marriage. Why did I take my time? I took my time to find a partner who resonated with me, someone my inner voice liked.
Using my intuition led me to make better choices with boyfriends, friends, jobs, places to live, and how I would live my life. Listening to my inner voice has increased my self respect, and I became a more authentic me.
I knew to choose a husband again that I had to have a criterion. I decided to write 30 things I wanted in an ideal partner. I took great care to think about everything I really wanted in a mate. I went big and put everything on the list in the positive. For instance instead of writing "no jerks", I wrote "compassionate".
After looking at my masterful list I realized I wasn't half the things on the list that I wanted. So...I had a lot of work to do. I circled the things on my list that I had to work on and then made those my personal goals. It took a couple of years to actually become the things I wanted in a partner. It was worth the effort and time to make a list! I am happily married now for the past 15 years. What a difference it makes when you use your intuition and listen to your heart, and to digest what you want in life.
Marla Stone is a retired clinical social worker who specialized in treating Camp Pendleton Military Personnel and their families, Couples and individuals with trauma and heartache. Marla is currently a life coach, professional organizer and decor and feng shui specialist.